huien's Site

hahaha.. yup, i haven't updated for yoinks. actually, just don't want anyone coming after me coz a 'cher has been blogging. sometimes, things like these are just too sensitive.

yes yes, so now i'm back in nie.. it's fun meeting up with the fun crazy bunch again. miss them loads! =D and i can vouch that july 07 bio batch consists of the best actors and actresses ever. hee!

right now just trying to enjoy whatever holiday i can.. before i start work back at my practicum school.. hgss.. haha.. sometimes knowing too much ain't that good ya (ain't that always??) but i'm also kinda glad to go back coz i already know people.. barang barang is already there.. never brought them back.. hahaha..

kinda having mixed feelings about this 1.5 month break. it's kinda slack, but kinda sian (because of classes scattered here and there.. wish i could just get over with it and have a good break), exciting in some ways yet not going to be easy in some ways. maybe i shouldn't think so much and just enjoy..

gunung ledang this saturday!!! =D

okie, i'm actually thinking of blog hopping again. aiya, it's the features and interface lah. can't find something that satisfies me totally. multiply doesn't allow comments from non-members! sob.. but owells. it'll do for now..

it's back to school now! it's nice seeing all my friends again.. i really enjoy the bio cohort =)

kinda sad though that the holidays just sped by.. so busy! but i really thank God for allowing me to go on that short trip to genting with 10 other peers from my church.. it was GREAT! no hp, no laptop.. NO WORK! haha.. just had 3 days of playing, slacking, spending time with God and fellowshipping with my dear churchmates..

and celebrating our 4th anniversary.. =) God has been so good to us!

ya.. i was amazed how the 11 of us stuck together for most of the trip.. i think we met up for almost all the meals (except the last one which was OYO).. really got to know everyone better and just had so much to enjoy together..

it was also so wonderful to have charissa join us and see her enjoy the company of my church friends too =)

a memorable holiday indeed.. even though it was short.. but it was a very precious break.. and come to think of it, it's my first overseas holiday in a few years.. okay, excluding aussie (i was there to study anyway!).. but ya, other trips were all mission trips i think.. and church camp..

so yes, the new sem's ahead, and it's been kinda easygoing.. until practicum starts that is. half fearful half excited.. haha.. but i trust God will give me the strength to face new challenges, whenever wherever =)

i'm beginning to realize how BIG the topic of grace can be.. grace in the past, grace that set me free.. grace from God, grace from other people.. grace for the future..

struggling to let go of certain things in my life that i've clung onto for a bit too long.. so long that i've become dependent on it.. drawn my focus away from God..

surrender is such a high calling (if i can even describe it with such terms..)

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect when I am weak
All that I cling to I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me

yepyep, i know i've disappeared quite a bit..

for the uninformed, i'm still in NIE. haha.. actually, the semester's drawing to an end.. and as i look at the previous blog posts, i can actually smile at how i was so terrified of stepping into NIE. God as proven me so wrong! while i really do miss my kaki in nus, and my dearest disciples and the wonderful crusade community and Christian fellowship i have there, i must also admit that i do enjoy my time in NIE.. and in a very different way. i feel more 'involved' in what i study now.. maybe it's because it's so relevant to me now.. and it's quite amazing to be in the midst of a bunch of teachers-to-be, coz we talk about it, we share our fears and our anxiety, and we also share what makes us so excited about teaching. it's almost like, i feel belonged, because of the like-minded people around me. and God has been so good to bring friends into my life. they're not as close as some of my friends in nus.. but they're still great friends, people that i can trust with my assignments (we have so many group projects that we just have to learn to trust each other) and also with some of my personal struggles and stories. the only thing that i really miss is Christian fellowship.. people who will keep me accountable in my walk with God.. people who chide me if they sense me straying away from Him.. but ya, other than that, i really thank God for my friends in NIE.. and it's really not competitive (as compared to nus haha) and i really do enjoy my bio cohort.. we're a bunch of crazy people man.. haha.. it's like, i've never been in a class that is so supportive of one another.. and it's so rare to find it in tertiary education. but yeah, my cohort is really quite special lah i feel.. and i'm very thankful to God for them..

so. yes, that's an update of like the past 3 months.. haha.. school's been rather hectic. i had like 3 essays in 3 consecutive weeks, each getting progressively longer (first it was an innocent 1000 words. then it was 2000, then 3000. hahaha..) actually 3000 words isn't really very very long, as compared to the essays written by many arts friends. but hey, i'm a science grad. i write lab reports, not essays. and in lab reports, you don't have to come up with your own information except in the intro and discussion, which aren't very long if added together. i prefer performing experiments, getting data, processing and understanding data (and creating cheem-looking excel spreadsheets even though my stats still totally cmi) and writing my discussion based on the data. i simply am no good at coming up with essay stuff from a blank sheet of paper and ploughing through 30+ journal articles.

owell. essays are all OVER! whee! and i'm so glad microteaching's over too. thank GOD! coz it was the first time i was completely not nervous during a presentation. and it was like a full 20 mins, solo.. and i prepared like, the day before? i prepared earlier lah, and i used quite a lot of my stuff from the practice sessions. but i did most of my prep and fixed up my ppt slides only the night before. i surprised myself by hardly looking at my notes, by ad-libbing off the top of my head, for not being kancheong even though i stuttered. and i finished just in tme.. just walked back to my seat and grinned at my friends, relieved it was all over, and thanking God for helping me through the entire thing. THANK YOU LORD!

anyway, after microteaching i thought i could slack a bit. nuh-uh. i just realized today i'm still far behind.. chem deadlines looming.. another presentation on ADHD this friday.. DPillar stuff to plan.. not forgetting my gesl camp and CAMP MISHKAN! it's gonna be a packed nov and dec.. and yeah, i still have pepsi training and body building message next week!

meanwhile, i shall be guai and make the most of my time.. God's already blessing me with moments to 'slack'.. i'm watching chitty chitty bang bang on wed!!! i can't wait! and also watching max lucado's You Are Special on sunday =) 2 musicals in 5 days! what a treat!

okay, i just realized i typed a rather bimbotic post.. hahaha.. a bit of denial perhaps, not wanting to resume work? but i'll be good.. i'll go back now.. haha..

oh yeah, i've been reading Future Grace by John Piper.. i've just started, more like it.. still like in chapter 3 or something. but it's caused me to think so much.. what exactly is the grace of God? it's free! and i realize that often i unconsciously try to repay God for the grace He's given to me. but i can't! i can never repay God.. i can be thankful, but it shouldn't be obeying God simply because i'm indebted to Him. if i were to have received His grace, then I'm not indebted to Him, coz grace is given free. the debt that i've been trying to repay has never been there, rather i created it. now i understand what is really meant by legalism.. i can never repay God.. i can only trust that God's grace which cleansed my past, also cleanses my future, and God will sustain me through my every temptation, every desire, because He has removed the black bits of my past.

okay, i'm still trying to understand this thing properly, so maybe what i've typed above isn't very accurate, pardon me. if you're interested, just read the book lah.. hahaha.. =P

okay! it's almost 2am, so i'll go to sleep, and wake up early tmr so i can make full use of my morning =)

It’s the song of the redeemed
Rising from the African plain
It’s the song of the forgiven
Drowning out the Amazon rain
The song of Asian believers
Filled with God’s holy fire
It’s every tribe, every tongue, every nation
A love song born of a grateful choir

It’s all God’s children singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns
It’s all God’s children singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns

Let it rise about the four winds
Caught up in the heavenly sound
Let praises echo from the towers of cathedrals
To the faithful gathered underground
Of all the songs sung from the dawn of creation
Some were meant to persist
Of all the bells rung from a thousand steeples
None rings truer than this

And all the powers of darkness
Tremble at what they’ve just heard
‘Cause all the powers of darkness
Can’t drown out a single word

When all God’s children sing out
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns
All God’s people singing
Glory, glory, hallelujah
He reigns, He reigns

i joined CCC's Living Truth Ministry, and i enjoyed the session very much. apart from it being held just a 3 blocks away from my house.. haha.. but it was a thought-provoking lesson on stewardship.. through that session i realized that i've lost my joy in knowing the Lord.. Chin Ai (CCC staff) was sharing with us how far humans are without God, how lost we are, how hopless we are.. and when she shared of our redemption in Christ, there was so much joy and amazement in her eyes.. and it hit me that i've got so lost in the "how to be a Christian" that i almost forgot that i am one simply by the immense grace of God.

Ivan (the other CCC staff.. cute couple, this two =P) posed us a question that struck me.. that God has such high standards, and as stewards, we're accountable to God. why should we choose to believe in God and submit to His Lordship when it's so humanly difficult? wouldn't we be better off as non-believers, doing what we want to do? this question struck me, coz it was something that's been on my mind for the past couple of months. not that i was thinking of renouncing my faith or anything, but it was on my mind as i tried to find my joy in the Lord. but after hearing Chin Ai, i realized that my salvation in Christ is just so big, so precious..

really thank God for this ministry.. and thank God for leading me to join this ministry.. they invited me to join them a month ago, and i was struggling whether to join coz i was afraid of over-committing myself. but i also knew now that i'm out of NUS CCC, i'm lacking in spiritual input and have been thinking of whether to go for a Bible study course, of which time is again a big factor. after praying i decided to try out Living Truth anyway. thank God for Living Truth, coz it's a commitment that's not too heavy and yet it addresses such pertinent issues and the discussions are so relevant for working in the marketplace. God indeed knows what i need!

anyway, something warmed my heart today.. i was at zhiliang's house, celebrating his brother's fiancee's birthday. spent most of the party time playing with ZL's 2 nieces.. they're SO CUTE! haha.. i'm pretty amazed that we can entertain them simply with balloons.. haha.. and it's very funny to see what little toddlers (especially the 2-year-old) do when they want their way.. their incessant whining and wailing might seem irritating, but looking back it's actually quite amusing to a certain extent.. haha..

after the party (in the function room), we went up to ZL's house and sat in the living room, sitting on the floor.. ZL was on the floor opposite me, his mum was napping on the couch behind me, his brother was on the couch next to me, and his brother's fiancee on the floor on my right. and we were just talking about different board games (ZL's brother collects games as a hobby.. he can run his own settler's cafe i tell you, and he's got pretty good games too!).. but anyway, it was quite interesting to just sit in the living room and chat.. it wasn't a long conversation coz it was quite late and i had to go home.. but it was a glimpse of what my future might look like.. haha.. okay not like it's the first time i talked to ZL's family in this way.. and it's not the first time this thought came to mind either. but it still warms my heart.. =) and it reminds me that there's a lot to look forward to..

Lord, faithful God, You have been so good to me.. so so good.. teach me to trust in You completely.. to trust in Your sovereignty in my life.. to trust in Your timing, in Your plans.. take away my frustration, take away my impatience, take away my fears.. i give them all up to You.. teach me to trust in You..


-------------------

Five Loaves and Two Fishes

Corrinne May

A little boy of thirteen
was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing
and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening
to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom,
even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly
the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry
but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox
at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do
there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
the kindness in His smile
and the boy cried out
with the trust of a child
he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"

I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
no gift is too small

i wanted to blog about this last week, but i forgot..

i saw this sign at a 24-hr shop:

"Dear customers, please keep your voice down after 10pm. We will be greatly appreciated for your kind cooperation."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this morning (or rather, yesterday morning, since it's now past midnight), our ed psych lecturer was telling us this story... (if you must know, ed psych is educational psychology.. yes, i take strange modules now >.<).. okay i can't remember the entire story word for word, but here's the gist of it..

there was once a teacher who had a really hard time in school, and so he went to see the school psychologist.
"doc! i had a dream last night!!"
"well, get more proper rest, and hopefully you'll dream less" (what a useless psych)
"no no! it wasn't a bad dream!"
"then what was it?"
"it was an interesting dream...

i dreamt that i was so stressed out that i had a heart attack and died. and after a while i found myself at the gates of heaven. with me were 3 others. we approached the gate together, and we found this angel standing there.
the angel looked at the first guy, and asked "why are you here? what did you use to do while on earth?"
the guy replied "i was a stockbroker. my stocks went down, so i came up."
the angel said, "oh i'm so sorry, i can't let you through these gates."
then to the 2nd man, he asked the same question. "i used to be a salesman, and i sold many things and benefitted a lot of people."
"oh, i'm so sorry, i can't let you through these gates. yes, what about you?" to the third man.
"i was a doctor. i saved many lives!"
"oh, i'm so sorry, i also can't let you through these gates."
and so i thought, wah, doctor and salesman, all can't make it through those gates.. i have no hope.. so i started to walk away.
but suddenly the angel said, "you! why are you going away? welcome welcome! you may enter!"
"but sir, i was only a teacher! why should i deserve to pass through these gates?"
"oh! don't worry.. you must have suffered hell on earth! welcome to heaven!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and i wonder what i've gotten myself into >.<  that was just the story new trainees needed to hear..

hahaha..

it was nice though, when the lecturer ended off his story with "and by the way, salvation is by faith and not by works ya"

after listening to this guy, i think i might enjoy ed psych after all.. hahahaha..

4 weeks is a horrible time frame for attachment.. just as i was getting to know the kids i have to leave and go back to NIE =(

and i have to make new friends all over again..

kinda apprehensive.. not because i don't like NIE.. but it's just the change.. and yes, i dislike changes. i guess i'm just a comfort zone person. i don't mind being adventurous, but only in the comfort of having people i know around me. so yes, conclusion is, i'm still a comfort zone person.

wondering how i'm going to juggle school and ministry commitments.. but it does look to be an exciting year..

i guess it's my last year before i become a full-fledged teacher.. while i'm looking forward to be back in a school again, i'm dreading the long working hours.. bleaph.. just wanna have some time for my friends and loved ones..

the bunch of us trainees were talking to our P yesterday.. he gave me some food for thought..

teaching.. it can be a profession, a calling, or just a job.

as i look at the teachers here, i understood what he meant. and yesterday, as i was talking to the P, i can really see his conviction to be in the teaching profession. and for him, it's truly a calling. and that's what makes a difference in a teacher.

i really thank God for this conversation.. for opening my eyes to see what teaching really is.
and it makes all the cheesy education slogans so much more meaningful. to me, now they're cheesy only because they sound cheesy, but the meaning behind them is really more than meets the eye.

a calling indeed...

it's been a while yes i know.. haha..

yes, joshua ho was complaining to me on msn that his freedom ends next week when he starts work. sadly, my freedom had ended 3 weeks ago.. hahaha..

anyway, for the uninformed, i'm now a trainee at NIE. but the NIE term hasn't started yet. so i'm actually on a 4-week attachment to a sec school (which i wish not to disclose on such an international platform.. haha). so yep, i'm in the middle of the 3rd week actually, so next week is my last week in this school.. it's been a pretty good experience if i may say so.. going to observe classes, taking CCAs, doing invigilation duty for N-level oral exams.. haha.. but since i don't have to teach much, i've had my fair bit of free time.. i do appreciate this opportunity to get familiar with the school scene once again.. students here can be dears, and can also be terrors.. hahaha..

and the bonus? it's 10 mins from my house. i can wake up at 6.30 and reach school by 7am. cool! hurhur..

okie, enough of the updates.. not much to update lah.. working life is rather routine.. obviously.. hahaha..

yes, i start work tomorrow.

actually, i've already been employed since last monday. just that it's been a week of dropping by NTU for some trainings and stuff. tmr's attachment.. at some school really near my house (which i don't want to name..)

this transition from NUS to NTU has been rather scary.. NTU is like foreign ground to me now.. and i haven't found a single lifescience student from my cohort yet.. at least i've found some chem friends from my cohort. but everyone has come with their cliques.. i'm thankful for the few people that i know, and also for the opportunity to make new friends too..

much as i don't miss the NUS system, i do miss the people.. crusaders whom you can always count on finding at crusade corner.. the staff.. coursemates whom i can meet every day (well, 13 out of 14 days 2 sems ago was a record! hahaha.. seok ping, we win le! hahaha =P).. really thankful for the NUS years, that God brought these people into my life.

a thought just came to me.. if i didn't go to NUS (if God had let me go overseas).. people like seok ping and peixin wouldn't have found their way to BPGC.. and these are two buddies that i love love love to meet in church.. =P

anyway, i've pretty much decided not to commit to crusade at NTU. for one, it's only for 6 months. i do intend to get in touch with some crusaders there, and the staff.. but i don't intend to be active, because it's about time i devote more of my time and focus to the D-pillar, MMT and my dearest ARGH(C) dg.. haha..

okie, i'm going to get my stuff prepared for school.. oh man, have to wake up at 6am!! *groans*

after 3 years of life in nus.. can't say it's been the most pleasant 3 years.. rather it's been a roller-coaster ride.. bittersweet if you may call it.

my final semester is just behind me, and with my not-very-sterling, but still acceptable, results at hand, i'll be leaving nus to move on to nie.

it's scary.

i guess God's been preparing me all this while for this lah. as i reflected on the past 3 years.. i remember how i entered nus with so much ambition.. to graduate with flying colours and what not.. and when in yr 2 i started struggling with my modules.. God taught me to surrender.. and then moe started chasing me, and thus i started to work very hard for my hons.. and then going to sydney, of which i really enjoyed myself, and it made me even more interested in bio..  (and to think i did so well in sydney, but just cannot transfer those grades back to nus..) even after trying, God taught me time and again, studies ain't everything. and as i met up my moe officer who encouraged me, and told me that as long as i can graduate i'll be fine.. it put my heart to rest that God's in total control.

in the past 3 weeks i've been thinking about my options.. sometimes, i think that graduating is a good and bad thing at the same time. i feel lazy to go through another year in nus.. i guess it's the aspect of research in fyp that might keep me going in my studies. i dread the thought of having to cram for exams again. and starting work and earning money doesn't sound bad does it? haha.. but starting work is scary too.. like, i'm leaving my life of studying behind, which i really do enjoy because i learn so much.. but ya.. i guess God prepared me for this graduation thingy, with the moe talks and all that.. and also leading me to think about certain decisions that i'll have to make in the next few years.. including what will happen after my bond.

it's like a tug-of-war..

though coming into nus was never my first choice (it was far far far from first choice), i still thank God for this experience.. the first and greatest thanksgiving i have to God is for bringing me into crusade, because through crusade i returned into the arms of my Father after having strayed away for the few years before uni. though i don't always agree with everything that crusade does (i mean, where can i find an organization that i can agree with everything it does??), it still gave me a place to fellowship with other brothers and sisters, go through the uni experience together, and to keep me accountable in my walk with God.. it also taught me how to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit, and the everyday-gathering of crusaders reminded me that Christianity isn't just my religion, it's my life.

i also thank God for the friends He has brought into my life in nus (man, i'll miss you guys so so much! >.<).. i'm not very good with friendships honestly, and often enough, after leaving a school, i slowly lose contact with my friends except for a few. but i thank God for friendships built in nus that i know won't die (especially since we'll see each other at least on sundays! hahaha).. and i'm really grateful for the deep friendships that i can share with my siblings in God's family.. it's made me realize that friendships built upon God's love is so so precious indeed.

i also thank God for nuspe, coz it was a place that kept me in touch with music.. never letting me go despite me almost letting music go.. it's also so precious making music with like-minded friends.. =)

i'm also very thankful for that one year i got to attend uni with zl.. haha.. one year just flew past like that though. but i'm still thankful coz it was a very precious 1 year.

lastly, i really thank God for being ever-so faithful, for sustaining me throughout these 3 years in nus.. and by His grace i have grown.. it's been 3 busy years, juggling many commitments at the same time.. yet God is merciful, i graduate with a merit degree, bringing along memories that are so much more precious than that cert.

moving on to my next phase in life.. it's even more in-your-face since i'll be heading to philippines next tues for 9 days.. and after coming back, i'll only have 1 week of holidays before i register into nie.. and i'll be ranked an untrained officer in the civil service.. and starting to receive a montly income.. and the most tragic part is, I HAVE TO DO ATTACHMENT AGAIN! i don't enjoy attachments coz it doesn't give me enough time to build rapport with the students. hopefully this time the experience will be better..

despite it being rather scary, it's still exciting to see how God can use me in this area of ministry.. =) not forgetting many other plans that God has for me.. God's plan is indeed perfect!

oh and i haven't forgotten.. GRAD TRIP! hahaha.. but i'll wait for seok ping and peixin to grad first.. =P i very nice one. then by then i'll also be able to better-afford the trip.. haha..

Livejournal: http://chongster.livejournal.com/
Xanga: http://www.xanga.com/chongsterish

Both have beautiful memories.. But the decision to change to multiply was just so I can do something more with my blog layout.. haha.. lame. This is what happens when you have too much time after exams.

anyway, i tried to load my xanga entries here, but somehow they all became privatized. i'll change the settings if i get REALLY bored.. haha..